The problem with Asos’ Bluebird Print Top

I don’t know how many of you out there will agree, but I hate the tops of my arms. They look like spam. I hardly ever buy sleeveless things – and if I doI have to fully consider what it’ll look like with a small black cardi over the top.

Let’s look at this top. It has an amazingly cute print featuring Dover’s most dreamed-about bird, the bluebird. They’re good too, because the drawings are not overdone. It’s as if someone set out to create a great bird pattern, and then decided to go out and take mushrooms instead. And then, realising the next day that their boss is expecting a bird print on their desk by 9am, hurriedly create something ad-hoc on the bus into work whilst trying to drink a coffee and eat one of those new McDonald’s breakfast wraps with one hand. Easy to imagine, isn’t it?

The most surprising part of this top is that it in only a wonderful £10 in Asos Curve’s sale. And all sizes available. So it’s not popular then.

But why not?

Is it because it is common for most curvy girls to not like their upper arms?

I certainly dont. But it’s not a universal opinion. Plenty of bigger girls wear sleeveless and look great. And even if this top would be an issue, you could probably wear a polo-neck under it.

Or maybe it’s because the only way to put it on is via the buttons running down the entire length of the back, like some kind of trendy Cabbage Patch Kid?

I mean, why the hell do people make clothes with buttons down the back?! I have only just mastered the zip by myself, and that’s only because my mum made me some kind of contraption that hoops into the zip and helps me pull it up. Yes – it’s sad but BY GOD IT GETS RESULTS.

But buttons? BUTTONS?! Who decided this? When has anyone ever been able to do up buttons using their own arms?! Can you do it without your spouse or faintly-creepy German lodger doing it for you? No. C’est impossible. Are all those single ladies out there doomed to walk the earth forevermore with undone buttons?

And you can’t even do up a few, and put it over your head, because the material isn’t stretchy enough. It’s stiffer than a freeze-dried elephant.

Why has no one questioned this before? Is it only a problem I have?  I’d love to hear all of your opinions, although I warn you, if you disagree with my views, I will print out your comments and burn them to cinders. And then send the cinders to your mum. In a bowl full of gravy.

Top available in sizes 20-26. Buttons not optional.

Top, £10 - Asos Curve

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One thought on “The problem with Asos’ Bluebird Print Top

  1. Back Buttons are clearly good as it allows a level of class while not disturbing the front of the pattern. It’s easy to do them if you use your head

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