Off the beaten track… Tesco’s Couture Dress

I make  no secret of the fact I like Tesco. I think their clothes are interesting, well-made and reasonably-priced (and they haven’t got a gun to my head right now. I’m not being held hostage off the shores of Mexico. And they haven’t demanded £10,000 from my family for my safe return.)

For the last couple of years* Tesco have designed their Couture range – something that has not been wholly successful. Maybe this is because the designs are pretty out there (oversized shoulders and ruffle necks, anyone?). But it may also be because Tesco’s customers can’t afford, and have no intention of, paying £140 for a dress.

The dresses on the website right now came out last year, and, as stated above, push the boundaries (in terms of Tesco’s fashion forays and, let’s face it, the whole supermarket fashion phenomenon). I think it’s fair to say they didn’t sell terribly well, but I think it was great of Tesco to even attempt something like this. And also, they went up to SIZE 18.

Yeah, a lot of shops sell size 18. But how many places actively sell couture clothing at £100 a pop in a size 18? I can’t think of any right now (mostly because my head is full of mucus. I’ve got man-flu). And even if the dresses aren’t always to my taste (the pattern on this dress reminds me of the upholstery on coach seats), I think it’s a good idea.

Not that I could ever afford them.

But one man’s lack of popularity is another man’s gain (just ask David Cameron). Because these did not sell very well, Tesco’s are flogging them (not like Jesus flogging – more like Del Boy flogging) at £20 a time.

The dress below has a little ‘bat out of hell’ going on. It could look gothy, but with the right shoes/accesories, I think we could all work it. The puff sleeves would also save our life if we fell out the window of a high building, allowing us to glide to safety. Safe AND stylish? Like going 30 mph on a Ducati.

I’m excited by the button detail, and I want to see how nice this lace really is. It was originally £95, so it better be loomed by the finest Belgium lacers.** I’ll probably end up getting this dress just to see why it was ever £95. I think you should get one too. Then we could glide together. How romantic.

Available in sizes 6-18. £20

Dress, £20 – Tesco

* as far as I can remember. But then I also remember when Joe Pasquale was a member of Parliament.

** I don’t know if lace is loomed. And I don’t think people who make lace are necessarily called ‘Lacers’. But Belgian’s are big on lace. I went to Bruges when I was 15, and all I remember is lace and chocolate. Phallic chocolate, at that. Good times.


4 thoughts on “Off the beaten track… Tesco’s Couture Dress

  1. The Tesco Couture range completely baffled me. It was so out of place in a supermarket clothing range. To me, the beauty of Tesco clothing lies in that you go in to buy some bread and milk, and somehow end up leaving with a really nice skirt that caught your eye and only cost a bit more than the bread and milk. I can’t imagine leaving the shop with a £95 dress, even if it was the most beautiful and finely made dress I’d ever laid eyes on. There would be something incongruous about the whole experience.

    That said, you make a very good point that selling couture clothes in larger sizes is a very good thing. And those are some pretty exciting reductions. Am I sick in the head for being a bit excited about the silver pagoda dress? I’d look like a sexy Tudor at all the Christmas parties.

    • I agree almost 100% with you. No, I can’t imagine spending £95 on a dress in Tesco – because I can’t see myself doing that. ALTHOUGH – if it was the right dress, if I was totally in love with, realised it would suit me and it was the most amazing item I’d ever seen, I probably would buy it. But I think the thing in the back of my mind that would stop me would be a quality issue – would Tesco make a dress as well as say, Warehouse? Or even Marks and Spencers? The voices in my head (I talk to them often) say no.

      Saying that, if I was satisfied with the quality, was in love with the dress and had £95 to burn, I would do it. But I probably wouldn’t tell people where I got it….

      I think you should go for the silver pagoda dress. Aside from being the sexiest Tudor the world has ever seen (save that foxy dog, Henry VIII), I would love to know what you thought of the quality, and whether it was worth £140…!!!

      I have actually ordered the black lace dress, by the way. So I can let you know what that’s like when it arrives :)

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